how to be a nanny - do's and don'ts
DO:
- Make a big deal about how you want to be a chef, and that you'll cook meals as practice.
- Demonstrate all-round helpfulness by doing laundry, cleaning up after LM, cleaning rooms in addition to normal duties.
- Be very good with LM.
- Lull your employers into a false sense of security. Not enough to get yourself fired, but certainly enough so you can take them for everything they've got.
DON'T:
- Cook anything for your employers after the first few weeks. In fact, it's worthwhile to hint that your employers should be cooking their own damn selves. Eat expensive grocery items out of their fridge, and then concoct shopping lists that include still more expensive grocery items.
- Have the presence of mind to check on the laundry you're doing for yourself, presumably to save quarters. When the garage floods, it's very important not to tell your employers how this situation came about.
- Communicate well. It's imperative that you interrupt the workday of both parents to babble into the phone in a very high-pitched voice (rather like a squeeze toy), at a very high rate of speed. End all phone calls with "oksothishappenedsorrybyeeeee!!"
- Share the TV. It's very necessary to keep the entire history of Dawson's Creek and Oprah saved on the TiVo forever, even if you've seen these particular shows many times before.
- Demonstrate complete reliability. Make sure to call every so often and announce that you're sick that day. Keeps 'em on their toes. It's especially important to do this after flooding the garage the day before.
OK, maybe this sounds like the rant of some overly-privileged white suburbanite, but... damn.