might as well make it an epidemic
In keeping with the virus of depression that seems to be sweeping over everyone I know, I might as well add my name to the list too.
I tend to get seasonal depression, and this year is no exception:
1) It's dark out a lot of the time. (One reason I've always liked living in CA is that the dark seasons are a little shorter.)
2) Work is unexciting and promises to get crappy. I count my blessings here, however. At this point in time with my former employer, I would've been crying in a bottle about now. I take solace in the fact that my manager and my peers seem to feel this way too.
3) I'm either coming down with something or the natural crappiness of early December is screwing me up royally. I woke up this morning feeling exhausted, as if I hadn't gotten any sleep at all, with a cough and a foul mood to boot. I trudged off to work, where my fatigue, my cough, and my mood didn't improve at all. I don't know how smart it was of me -- because I've been malingering before and my manager has been very generous at excusing "work from home" days -- but I'm a good enough actor that I sowed the seeds for staying home sick, or "sick", tomorrow. I think I may do this, as my mood is only going to get more foul.
4) The natural bitterness of life that everyone gets. I wish I was more successful. I wish all of us, friends included, somehow lived in some European country where 8 weeks of vacation is standard, mass transit is viable, and the work week ends at 40 hours. I wish I'd applied myself more in college. I wish I'd applied to Julliard. And, just to show that I commiserate with my wife's recent spate of worrying, I wish my son was developing more. (Then again, I'm greedy.) I wish I had playmates, ready to show at a moment's notice, to fulfill my nerdy need to learn and play board games at all hours. (Then again, I'm greedy.)
Needless to say, I bought a lottery ticket when I left work today -- the tax on people who are bad at math, or vaguely dissatisfied, or desperate -- as I often do when things sometimes get the better of me.
I'm starting to cling to my Completely Brilliant Idea (Board Game Hooky Day, natch) as one of the few things on the horizon that may restore some inkling of sanity to these winter months. Sha told me once that my idea was totally decadent. I'm just pissed off enough these days that I don't think it's decadent at all -- I think of it as rightfully reclaiming time that should've been mine to begin with anyway.
At least Christmas is coming, right?