That boy ain't right

You are the Devil card. The Devil is based on the figure Pan, Lord of the Dance. The earthy physicality of the devil breeds lust. The devil's call to return to primal instincts often creates conflict in a society in which many of these instincts must be kept under control. Challenges posed by our physical bodies can be overcome by strength in the mental, emotional, and spiritual realms. Pan is also a symbol of enjoyment and rules our material creativity. The devil knows physical pleasure and how to manipulate the physical world. Material creativity finds its output in such things as dance, pottery, gardening, and sex. The self-actualized person is able to accept the sensuality and usefulness of the devil's gifts while remaining in control of any darker urges.
Which Tarot Card Are You?
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There are several disturbing things about this:
1) The whole Lord of the Dance thing. I categorically refuse to wear the pants.
2) If the devil knows physical pleasure, this means he sees a lot. That's all I'm saying.
3) Manipulating the physical world is something that's eluded me for a long time. I always thought I had Jedi powers but so far I haven't been able to do anything other than get the Underoos.
4) "Dance, pottery, gardening, and sex" -- "Hi. I'm into movies, reading, speed-walking, and furries."
5) Gotta love those darker urges. Right now I have a darker urge for pudding.

Oh, and another quiz from the same bullshit site says I'm this sort of bra:

You're a plain white silky bra with a little bow in
the middle, you don't like to take chances and
play it too safe.

Damn. I was at least hoping for something a little more exciting. Something without a comma splice, at a bare minimum.